est-ce que j'ose faire face à la vérité ? et est-ce que j'ose vous regarder dans l'oeil ?

The fact that i can still cry mean that i am not that cold-blooded as i seem. i am still human

who are we

i denial your presence and at the same time, make it known to me

11.11PM

i had so many questions during these 18 years

and i had only one answered.

i also ask myself, why am i unable to hate ? is it love ? does love make everything go round ?
what is ' like ' and ' love ' ? if i like you, does that mean that i accept you to be my friend ?

if i love you, does that mean that i accept you to be my friend ?

i've deny a lot of things. i have regrets in everything i've done. there is no right for me.

what's my purpose of wearing black everywhere i go ? why do i wear it ?

what's my principal

psychological thinking ? its all in the mind.

here's what hong dan shared with me today. i find this true to a certain extend. perhaps this is what i like or what i would like to become ? perhaps this ideal is too general and is pleasant to read ?

LEO MAN   He likes to comb his hair backward, open his forehead showing a dignify  facial ___expression. His eyes is sparkle, but slightly showing laziness. He  walks firmly and slowly like a lion, confident and ego proud. Outside, you  may think he is kind and gentle person, but inside he is a strong and secure  person. If he is frighten, he will re-act and respond right away. His words  always seem normal but mostly imply 'order and demanding'. He will not talk  fast, or can not talk fast, neither walk fast. In a crowd or at work he will  act normally, but not for long you will see him standing out of the crowd  and be a center of attention with his words, or his action.   You might think he is a shy guy, but deep down inside he wants to power over  his family and his friends. He just waits for that right moment. Do not take  what is his, and do not order him, or else you will see a fierce lion. He  respects elderly and senior, but will never bow down and accept like a  looser for he will rather die than loose his dignity.   He talks bluntly even on an occasion that he should not say such thing. He  is a compassionate guy and always look at other people on a bright side. He  likes people to listen to him. Even he has such a blunt and bold  personality, he could easily reach his goal without making any enemy.   Once disagree with him on something, he can be very up set like a rainy  storm on a summer day. It will only last a short time, then he will be back  a cheery merry person again. He is a bright and witty guy, and he will not  put any efforts on something that he thinks it will not work and waste his  energy. He is a good planner and can well manage his job assigned. When he  gives order, he expect them to be carry out exactly. He is the leader type  that the followers love.   He can give other people advice and solve problems for other people well,  except his own mess. He can be easily hurt by other people especially if you  do not trust or respect his ability. You could compliment him sometimes and  make this lion be your kitty with no difficulty. He is not a good judge for  he listen to many people and tend to belief all sides.   You can hardly see a Leo man with no woman by his side. If you see him  alone, he could already have a love one in his heart, or just broken up with  one. Because he is very proud, he can change many girl friends. He will do  many things for the woman he loves, but loosing his face is not one of them.  Leo man can not live without love , because for him Love is a ray of Light.   He likes people to rely on him, it's make him feels 'in power'. He may  complaint if he is asked for favor, but deep inside he is happy that you  asked him. If you offer to help him , he will refuse you right away.   When he is broke , he can find money still. He is not careful with his way  of spending for he has fun with spending money and happy to buy what he  likes. He lets other people borrow money from him easily even if he has no  money, he will run to his friend to borrow money for you. He likes first  class , first quality of everything.   He can work hard like a mad dog, and sometimes can be lazy like a lazy  sleepy cat. When he works, he is very serious. When he parties, he can be a  party animal. If he ask you out, you will sure have a fun and jolly time.   He will take chance with his love life, so if you know how to handle him,  you will win. If he is your love one, it won't be a romance novel. You have  to be ready to calm him down when he over reacts to small matters because  your cool stability will control and ease his mood. If you can not handle or  understand him, your relationship will be like a demolition zone, a on and  off relationship till all your friends tired to hear about your breaking up  and making up.   Beauty is always in the eyes of the lion. You have to be dignify to walk  with the lion king. Your looks is part of his image and ego and he is very  proud about it too. If you want his attention the first time you meet, you  better be astounding attractive. If you have a first conversation with him,  you have to show him how much you adore his thinking. He likes to talk and  not knowing that he likes to talk about himself.   

again, the mind play tricks on us. or rather, we play tricks on ourself.
- Keeper of all keeps -Jack of all trade, master to none

i denial your presence and at the same time, make it known to me

11.11PM

-If criteria were set, there would be no dreams.

space move at a constant speed according to special relativity,

time is only a measurement therefore it has only one direction,

hence, people are unable to travel back in time. This leave the question of time travel backward impossible.

It would be absurd to be able to change the past which change then change the future. If changing the past is possible, there would be a existing parallel world.

If the parallel world is proven to exist, it mean that ghost also does exist.

Saying that only travelling forward is possible, we are so call speeding up the future by travelling forward.

This is call : Teleportation

it is where your body exceed the limit and move at a extremely high speed ( thousand time faster then light )

without breaking apart your atomic structure, you are able to ' teleport ' to certain area which correspond to your brain by travelling forward at great speed.

The reason why you are able to go through wall is because when moving at a speed thousand time faster then light,

the atomic structure of the object remain what it is without breaking apart, it is like moving through a Jello

Theory :

supposedly atom have electromagnetic field around it, keep it in bond, contact with the others and the others which form a human structure

together with the functions of it as well,

Think of it this way :

water ( H2O ) molecule has a bond which allow to stay together even if it is separated

so i pour a portion of a water into a cup1 and another into cup2.

now this two should be separated

then i pour cup1 & cup2 into cup3,

i found that they are so call 'join back together'.

However, human are unable to split into 2 and join back again. ha ha

now let's create a simple factor and call this : 1P

1P allow atoms at our temperature to bond together after being separated.

-for a very brief period of time

This is to say that,

1P only work when travelling at fast speed ( teleportation : read above ) supposedly we have this 1P, we are able to travel through wall ?

- Keeper of all keeps -Jack of all trade, master to none

i denial your presence and at the same time, make it known to me

11.11PM

Dream's like heaven for this, wished it'll come true..

He strolled along the alley and was later greeted with a smoothing breeze of the morning.

The sky was bright reddish-orange and the atmosphere was simply nostalgia. with a tingling sense that something is beckoning him,

the teen turn at the corner of housing estate when he met an unexpected girl whom he has not seen her after graduations.

Her eyes were as beautiful as a shiny gemstone, her silky hair down to her waist and something about
her that makes him feel relax and happy, loved. The girl's face broke into a big smile when she saw him.
" hello! Its been a long time! how have you been? " She asked enthusiastic.
" I'm ok, what about you? - wow, i mean.." the boy blushed.
" its been a long time, really, you have really grown quite .. "
The girl seem to she knows what's the boy was thinking, placed her finger to his lips.
" shh " She said.

Then, She hugged him. Surprise with the hug,not knowing what to do, the boy hugged her back. When they finally broke apart, They both smiled while looking at each other. Giggling softly,
she tip-toe,
Hand behind his back
, she tilt her head.
Softly and gently,
her lips touched the teen's lips. With that, they shared a passionate kiss.

WITH THAT, THAT BLOODY ALARM WOKE ME UP. FUCK.

- Keeper of all keeps -Jack of all trade, master to none

- her name start with a C followed by a 'H' and end with a 'E'
and her Chinese name start wif a K and end with a 'N'
and her surname ' CHEN '
♥

12.46AM

Had really weird dreams lately, usually, these dream were nightmares .
People dying, people falling off the building, murder , bombs , airplane crash etc ..
Of cos, in these dream, its totally disgusting. people fall,
their bodies turned helpless. squash like taking a hammer and hitting an apple.
so weak..so fragile
after many years of these vivid dreams, i wonder how did i bypass these horrifying dream.
these dream represent something that is likely to happen. surely, 40 % came true.
Not that it direct toward me totally but to my surrounding. Take for example i dreamt about waving goodbye to someone in the night - like i'm leaving that place for home.
5 months later i did the same thing.
I dreamt of a very closed person by the coffin. true enough, it happen around 4 years later.
Dreamt of an airplane crash a very long time ago around woodland.
True enough, an aircraft have landed around woodland.
Perhaps its happening else where, or somewhere close by. Be it other people confession or starting or an relationship or a
distaster
.. it happen in due time, 6 years perhaps ?

but

Lately these dreams of mine have become - somewhat pleasent.

I recenty dreamt of K laughing & chatting happily with her sister and friends.
Her smile so mesmerizing. met her mom, we chat. happily
we have fun together
The atmosphere was very clam, peaceful,

- but its not in my own eyes.

its not me.

i was not there.

its someone else.

not me ...

- Keeper of all keeps -Jack of all trade, master to none

- He knows the truth,will i follow in his footstep to uncover the truth ? or will i fear it ;

1.23pm

Hi Dad
how are you, what are you doing now ? are you happy up there ? mum's alright, big sister's alright, and your little cute daughter's alright.
Hey dad, did you know? while in school, mum told me that little sister asked her " mummy, will daddy be happy if i won first prize ? mummy, where has daddy go ? will he wake up anytime now? " Dear dad, i don't know how to respond to all this. I cried silently upon hearing this. my heart ache.its heart-breaking, its nerve-wreaking.
A little girl, no younger then 7, asking where's daddy. when he wake up.
Dear dad, i wish you were you right now. i don't know what to do. Everything just felt so wrong.
Dear dad, you were my role model.
Although i never really spent time with you, and though you keep working, day and night, with no rest.
I know you have to give up your education to support.
I know, even though you have beaten me many time, it was to show your love and concern. I know, even if you seem so distant sometime, you always loved us. you put us first in your life.
And you continued working throughout your entire life.
I know you loves to read books. I know you have dreams. But these dream that you have..was not fulfill.
Dear dad, i'm typing this to let you know, how long has it been, 10.02.08 .
Today's the year 2010. it has been 2 years. Dear dad, i just want you to know that i-no, we still miss you.
Dear Dad
i miss you

- 10.02.08

0.15am

Hello, been so long since i last blogged. Been busying slacking recently lol very boring eh, RP everyday start at 8.30 for year 1 ..lol. 3.30pm end, by then, still got quiz and RJ.
Today, want to attend aikido classes but, injury myself ar, damn sad. Anyway, went there to pay for the fee. there's two new girl who join but never come ahaha, today then come rofl.
Saw a new jolly fat sensei at the martial art room,
waaa, like fun sia. But damn wat la, the heck i go injury myself for wat sia. After that, go church for the June activities for the confirmation 2 and 3.
not much people came..and not little people came also -.-" but anyway, hope they have a good time enjoying themselves.
eps when i come and tease them hahaa.
reach home and then..
poof ! blogging hahaa. must thank jasling ar, this blog alive for 45 mins again hahaha !

-

0.15am

Have you ever lose someone dear to you ?
You cannot hear his voices anymore ..
you cannot touch him anymore ..
you cannot see him ..

and the only thing left is your memories of him

as though it was yesterday, i can still hear the cried .
when they pronounced my father's dead .
my mum broke down. my sister broke down. my little sister cry.
it was a painful sight to see. and i, did not break down. i'm the only man in the family. how can i cry infront of them ? infront of my relative ?
I had to be strong

i have to hold back my tears , my feeling .
i'm in pain.
i want to scream
i want to cry
i want to break down like the rest
yet, i kept all this feeling inside,
my uncle came, he saw my dad.. and he broke down. when i saw him, i too wanted to do the same.
But something telling me not to
i have to be strong
i have to hold back ...
this sucks, why does it happen
its a day when we finally got a chance to be together, but why..

its been 2 years ..

and it seem like yesterday
so clearly
so painful
so fucked up inside

Someday, i will break down in pieces ..
and am i hoping for somebody to be by my side at that point of time ? ..
-10.02.08.-
Did i fall for the wrong girl ?

my one and only true friend .. will she forget me ? will she remember me ?

0.52am

Westlife- you don't know
Nobody knows me
Yet everyone knows my name
Some people judge me
Not knowing that I'm the same
Thanks for the offer
But I keep my old friends always
But then I get lonely
Counting the endless days
Are you here for me at all?
Do you care for me at all?
Well, this time now I know
I ain't standing alone no more
Cos all I want is love
Someone who can share
the pain I feel
And the eyes that stare
Won't stare at me no more
Cos all I need is time
Time for me to open up and show
The person I am
The person you think you know
You don't know
You don't know
Some heartfelt emotion
Creeping from deep inside
Cause being this person
Is all I've got left to hide
Were you here from me at all?
Did you care for me at all?
Last time I was told
I ain't standing alone no more
All I need is love
Someone who can share
the pain I feel
And the eyes that stare
Won't stare at me no more
And all I need is time
Time for me to open up and show
The person I am
The person you don't know
You don't know
You don't know
You don't know...

memories of ..

0.50am

I can't explain this. I don't want to see how it goes. I don't want to lose you.

I don't want to forget you.

I don't want to keep it from you.

I don't want you to leave me ..

fool

0.44

Hello people.
my sim card's contact have been deleted. i would appreciate if you leave your hand phone number in the chat box or give me a miss call at -98391904 .
Thanks.

Dove sono andato male

Vuoto

Casiline's birthday party at East Coast Park .

Some people are not inside thought ...but .. haha !

21:35

-why ..

1.48am